mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize