One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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