so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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