can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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