I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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