I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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