she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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