I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
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I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
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Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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