i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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