Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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