omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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