Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
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It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
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At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize