i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
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thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
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Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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