My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize