Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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