to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
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i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
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