I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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