He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
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When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
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The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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