But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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