I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
this just has baby written all over it
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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