last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
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dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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