Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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