we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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