she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
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We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
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Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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