I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
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We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
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im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize