Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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