i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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