What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize