well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
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Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
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You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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