guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I understand Curling. That high.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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