she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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