Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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