she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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