i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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