You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
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Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
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I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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