I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
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aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
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She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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