JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I stole a fireplace last night.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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