do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize