The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize