this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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