Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
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We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
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8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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