So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize