So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize