I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize