Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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