Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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