On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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