Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
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I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
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it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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