Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize