blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
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I booty called her while she was in labor.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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